I am the worst quitter ever. If there’s something I’m really bad at, it’s giving up. A lot of people would think “Hey, isn’t this a good thing? Doesn’t that mean you’re a hard-worker?” Yes, I am an incredibly hard-worker, but that means that I don’t give up even when I’m supposed to. I absolutely love “lost causes” which probably explains a lot of past emotional damage that I have inflicted upon myself. The truth is, I don’t believe in lost causes, even if it’s so obvious that there are such things as them.
When I say that I’m bad at giving up, I mean I’m really bad at giving up almost anything. I don’t care how long it takes me, the problem is going to be solved. It’s no wonder why I sometimes spend 30 minutes on one math problem that I’ve tried to redo over and over again because I’m too stubborn to give up on something that I obviously don’t understand. This little problem of “giving up” might also explain why I am impossible to get rid of as a friend (unless I don’t want to be your friend. Then I’m totally out of there, but this usually isn’t the case since it has been pointed out to me several times that some of my friends can be real tools). If you don’t want to be my friend, but I want to be yours, too bad; I’m going to be your friend and you have no choice in the matter. (The trick is I bring them baked goods. Spice cookies, brownies, cake, all seem to do the trick of me instantly becoming somewhat noticeable. One minute it’s “Oh, Victoria is nice, but I don’t really see us being friends,” a couple bites of something I baked and BAM you’re my friend. A lot of people think I put crack in them but they’re so out of line when they say that. Meth, anyone?)
Besides my problem of not being able to give up, I have the absolutely wonderful attribute of being impatient. These two problems don’t go hand in hand, and if I wasn’t enough of an emotional basketcase with the first problem, just add in some impatience and I become absolutely intolerable. So although I will wait it out to finish that impossible math problem, I most certainly won’t like how long it’s taking me to find the answer. In fact, I’ll probably get incredibly frustrated, erase the damn work for the eighth time, throw said work across the room, and sit on my bed and swear at Newton for discovering calculus. I might pout a bit too. And then devour a chocolate cake. But then because of my refusal to quit, I’ll start that ridiculous problem again until I get it right.
How I react to such impossible math problems is also how I react to people problems. (Do people even say that? People problems?) I’ll try and try again to fix the problem, to find the solution, even if there seems to be none. And every time I try but seem to get no closer to fixing the damn thing, I will proceed to throw something across the room, sit on my bed, and swear at whoever it is that I’m trying to fix things with. And I might pout a bit too. And then devour a chocolate cake. Pretty much the exact same thing as I would with an impossible math problem.
Except in math, there are problems when the answer doesn’t exist. But even that’s an answer. And even when my people problem’s (person problem?) answer seems to be “You can’t fix this. You just have to sit there and do nothing,” I can’t accept that. I refuse to, because I refuse to give up on someone. Or maybe it’s just that I refuse to give up on myself. (Ooh, that sounded a tad dramatic didn’t it?)